I know we did not BREAK UP... WE ARE NEVER LOVERS OR FRIENDS... HOWEVER, WE ARE TOGETHER... Ok, NO ONE GETS THE POINT... WE ARE TOGETHER... IT IS TOTALLY A DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE... HONESTLY, MY MUM TOLD ME THAT HOW CAN I UNDERSTAND THIS. I HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED SUCH AN ABNORMAL THING AS YOU DID... WELL DONE MOTHER, YOU DID NOT EVEN TRY TO HELP... IF I HAD A DAUGHTER, IF MY DAUGHTER HAD EXPERIENCED SUCH A SPIRITUAL CONNECTION OR SPIRITUAL LOVE, I WOULD SEARCH FOR IT AND I WOULD TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS... I WOULD REALLY TELL HER WHAT I GET FROM IT... AT LEAST, I WOULD SEARCH AND WOULD SHARE MY OWN OPINION WITH HER... OF COURSE, I WOULD NEVER DISAPPOINT HER... HOWEVER, I WOULD LOOK THINGS UP FOR HER... I DO NOT KNOW WHY I AM VERY MAD AT MY MOTHER... OVERALL, SHE IS NOT A SPIRITUAL WOMAN... SHE BELIEVES IN GOD... TO BE HONEST, WHAT CAN SHE UNDERSTAND? LOL LOL LOL LOL....
However, this actor loves me... One part of me is telling me that he really LOVES ME... Should I really believe IT? Honestly, I am skeptic and I believe in NOTHING... In such a sense, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT HE LOVES ME... Other part of me is telling me that he never LOVES ME even as a person... Should I believe this? I can't believe this, either... Guess why? I can't believe this because this man is TALKING TO ME SINCE 4 YEARS... If you do not love someone, you just THROW THAT PERSON AWAY... We are on and off interacting with each other... We do not become friends... We do not become online lovers, either... We become NOTHING, BUT WE STILL HAVE A CONTACT WITH EACH OTHER... SO, THIS IS LOVE!!! This is an ABNORMAL LOVE...
It is not a romantic LOVE... Love is love, guys... ADMIT THAT EVERYONE IS LOOKING FOR LOVE, BUT THEY NEVER FIND IT... I GUESS WE FOUND IT, BUT WE CAN'T FACE WITH OUR FEARS... WE HAVE A LOT OF TRAUMAS AND WORRIES... WE HAVE A LOT OF ISSUES IN OUR LIVES... WE ARE BOTH CRAZY... WE ARE NOT CRAZY MENTALLY, BUT WE ARE BOTH COWARDS TO ADMIT THAT WE REALLY DO LOVE EACH OTHER...
To be Loved is a GOOD FEELING, but IT CAN BE A BLOCK in your lives, too... To love is a good feeling, but IT CAN BE the cause of your depression, in your lives, as well... Therefore, to be loved or to love won't MAKE YOU A HAPPY PERSON... THIS IS LIVING THROUGH ANOTHER TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE... IT HURTS YOU MORE THAN OTHER PEOPLE HURT YOU... I AM VERY SURE HE GETS HURT, TOO...
ANYWAY, TO LOVE OR TO BE LOVED IS JUST AN EXPERIENCE THAT I HAVE TO GET THROUGH... I LEAVE HIM ALONE BECAUSE HE IS TOTALLY CLOSED UP... HE IS NOT OPENED UP TO TALK TO ME ABOUT HOW HE FEELS... WHEN HE IS OPENED UP, I AM NOT OPENED UP TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT HOW I FEEL... LOOK, YOU CAN'T PLAY A GAME WITH SOMEONE FOR 4 YEARS... YOU BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER, BUT YOU BOTH CAN'T BE TOGETHER... WHATEVER THE REASON IS WE CAN'T MAKE IT TOGETHER... I COULD JUST BE HIS FRIEND, BUT IT LOOKED LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED... MAYBE, I COULD NOT BE HIS FRIEND... HOWEVER, HE NEVER TRIED TO BE MY FRIEND TOO... IT FAILED... IT WAS A GAME, BUT IT TURNED OUT SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL... SOMETHING VERY PRECIOUS... YOU CAN'T KEEP THE CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE IF THAT PERSON IS JUST FUN FOR YOU... THE CONVERSATION STOPS WHEN THE FUN IS OVER... MAYBE, WE DO NOT LOVE EACH OTHER, BUT WE FEEL SOMETHING FOR EACH OTHER... I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS... I WISH I COULD KNOW...
REGARDING MY MOTHER'S COMMENT, I GIVE NO FUCK... IF YOU ARE AN ABNORMAL PERSON, YOU EXPERIENCE SUCH A SPIRITUAL LOVE OR SPIRITUAL FRIENDSHIP... I WON'T BE A MOTHER, SO I WON'T BE SAD FOR MY DAUGHTER AT ALL... I AM SO SAD AS A PERSON... I CAN'T IMAGINE TO BE A MOTHER... I CAN'T IMAGINE TO HAVE A KID... I CAN'T IMAGINE TO BE WITH SOMEONE, EITHER.... LIFE MADE US MEET ONE ANOTHER FOR A REASON... I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH...
THE TRUTH WILL BE A MYSTERY... LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND EVENTUALLY WE WILL BOTH DIE... IF I CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE, I WOULD CHANGE IT... IT DOES NOT ONLY DEPEND ON ME, BUT OUR CASE INCLUDES NO HOPE ANY MORE... I JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE... I JUST WANT HIM TO STOP FORCING ME TO LOVE HIM... IT DOES NOT HELP THE SITUATION... IF HE WANTS ME TO LOVE HIM REALLY, HE REALLY HAS TO DO SOMETHING FOR US... I KNOW HE CAN DO ANYTHING IF HE REALLY WANTS... I JUST CAN'T KEEP THIS UP ANY MORE... IT TOOK ME 2 YEARS TO REALIZE THAT I DO LOVE HIM... I'M SUCH A DUMB, BUT SINCE START HE REALLY WAS IN LOVE WITH ME... THAT IS ALL I KNOW AND FEEL... I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS WAITING FOR US... I GUESS NOTHING IS POSSIBLE FOR US....
I JUST LET HIM GO... I JUST WANT HIM TO LET ME GO... LET ME GO AND LET ME BE ALONE... I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE BECAUSE IT REALLY HURTS... IF IT DOES NOT HURT YOU, IT IS YOUR ISSUE... IF YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF EMPATHY, JUST LET ME GO... ONE DAY, MAYBE WE CAN TRY TO BE FRIENDS... MAYBE, WE CAN BECOME FRIENDS... I JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE HIM... I DO NOT KNOW WHAT KIND OF LOVE IT IS, BUT IT IS A DIFFERENT TYPE OF LOVE... I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE....
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